Bathing Beauties
by crystal rose2
Summary: Kagome and Sango wish to take full advantage of a beautiful day--without the presence of any guys around. Little do they know how quickly word travels and the chaos that ensues when two people are excluded from all fun.


"Oi, bouzu, tell me again why we're hiding in the bushes when we told the wenches we were going to the market?" Inuyasha asked for the hundredth time. They were crouched behind the bushes near Kaede's hut where they knew Kagome and Sango were ensconced, waiting for them to come out. He just hoped that whatever it was they were doing in there was fast; although he was a hanyou and his strength surpassed that of a weak human, they _had_ been in their uncomfortable position for almost an hour now and even he had his limits. If those wenches didn't come out soon, he was going back to his favourite tree no matter what that bouzu Miroku said.

Miroku looked to the heavens and prayed for patience. His extensive training allowed him to maintain his outwardly calm façade even though he wanted nothing more than to whack the stubborn hanyou over the head with his staff. "For the last time, Inuyasha, the great Buddha has smiled down upon us and has given us a most wonderful opportunity to gaze upon the beauty of nature at its most unreserved."

Inuyasha leaned closer to the monk, one ear flat against his head while the other twitched in a perfect mimicry of his raised eyebrow. "Meaning?"

Here Miroku allowed himself a small smirk, pleased with himself for gleaning the information from an unsuspecting Shippou without arousing suspicion upon himself. "Meaning," he said, his tone sly and hushed, "That Sango and Kagome-sama have chosen today of all days to visit the hot springs."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes scornfully at the monk. "So what, bouzu? They go to the hot springs all the time," he said. He couldn't help but feel a little deflated—stupid monk raised his hopes needlessly. What those hopes were he didn't know, or perhaps he didn't _want_ to know.

"My dear friend," Miroku began in a somewhat condescending tone, "I think you fail to see the implications of their decision to bathe at this time of day."

Inuyasha looked around, a skeptical look on his face. He looked up, he looked down, then side to side. "It's morning," he said doubtfully, as though he didn't truly believe that the sun was shining down on and around him.

Miroku smiled, pleased that his friend wasn't as slow as Kagome sometimes accused him of being during their most heated arguments. "Exactly. They are going to the hot springs during the daylight hours, where we will be able to watch them—from afar—with relative ease." His face turned a little mournful. "Moments like these come only once in a blue moon. We would be smart to take advantage of Buddha's great gift, and worry about the consequences later." He absently rubbed his cheek, no doubt reminiscing on all the times that Sango had slapped him for his lecherous behaviour. A dreamy expression settled on his face and he smiled. Ahh, the memories.

Inuyasha was watching his friend—er, the monk—and shaking his head a little sadly. That lecherous monk really _did_ have a death wish. Miroku could watch the wenches bathing all he wanted, but he'd have to do it alone. He had no intention of giving Kagome an opportunity to 'osuwari' him by using the subduing spell on the damn rosary around his neck. He tried an experimental tug on the rosary but it wouldn't budge. Shit. He rose from his hiding spot, dusting off his clothes. He'd seen Kagome naked before—by accident, of course—so what was so special about watching them bathe now, in the light of day?

"Sango, come on!" Kagome's voice emerging from the wooden hut had Inuyasha scrambling for cover all over again. Damn bitch, why couldn't she give a little warning before sneaking up on a person like that?

"Feh!" he said softly, ignoring the sharp poke Miroku delivered to his ribs.

Kagome's hearing must've sharpened in all the time she'd spent with him because he could've sworn that her ears twitched. "Is it just me, or did I just hear Inuyasha?" she asked herself softly, her piercing brown eyes scanning the forest before her. She shrugged and attributed the sound she heard on some small forest creature foraging for food. She descended the steps eagerly, shielding her eyes from the morning sun.

Inuyasha, meanwhile, thought his eyes were going to explode from his head as he took in what Kagome was wearing. Or _wasn't_ wearing. What the _hell_ were those little scraps of cloth just barely covering her most private parts? He had never seen so much exposed flesh before except on a newborn baby. He thought her green and white outfit from the future was a little skimpy, but this one was past indecent! He snuck a peek at the monk and what he saw made him growl lowly in the back of his throat. The damn bouzu was practically drooling!

"Oi, monk. Keep your eyes _off_ my—I mean, that bitch!" Inuyasha said, quickly covering up his near-slip. "Wipe your chin, monk—you're embarrassing yourself."

"Forgive me," Miroku said, absently wiping his chin on his sleeve, never taking his eyes off Kagome's form. Buddha has truly blessed me this morning, he thought, taking in Kagome's curves hungrily. He barely noticed Inuyasha's fist coming down on top of his head for openly ogling 'his' bitch—no, he didn't miss Inuyasha's poor attempt at a cover-up—nor did he necessarily feel the pain. The sight of any beautiful, nubile young lady in a state of undress was like a soothing balm unto his aches and pains. He sighed wistfully. If only there were more selfless women like Kagome.

A movement in the doorway caught his eye and he straightened, his body alert and his eyes focused. This was truly a day for granting wishes, he thought, sending a prayer of thanks to the heavens.

"Are you sure it's okay to walk around like this?" Sango asked hesitantly, clutching a blanket to her chest protectively.

"Oh, warrior Sango, lower your shield so that this humble monk may gaze upon your bounty and die a happy man," he whispered. His grin grew lascivious when she did just that. "That's right, Sango. Show Miroku the treasures that you guard so fiercely." Briefly he felt Inuyasha hit him upside the head but there was no way he was taking his eyes off Sango's nearly-naked form to give Inuyasha a taste of his own medicine.

"Of course, Sango," replied Kagome. "Nobody uses the hot springs at this time of day and we sent the guys to the market. They shouldn't be back for at least two hours so we'll have plenty of time to kick back and relax."

Sango glanced down at her body which was covered in a 'bee-kee-nee' from Kagome's time that she had insisted upon lending Sango for their next outing to the hot springs, and gulped quite audibly. "Do all of the women in your time wear such things, Kagome?"

"Yes, Kagome, _do_ they wear such things? Always?" Miroku murmured, already picturing an expansive village of women all wearing outfits similar to the ones Kagome and Sango were wearing. He started drooling again.

Kagome laughed and spun around, unknowingly giving both Inuyasha and Miroku ample view of her body from all angles. Inuyasha's jaw dropped and he quickly moved to cover Miroku's eyes with his clawed hand. Considering the length and sharpness of said claws, Miroku thought it would be wise not to shrug the hand off lest his eyes be gouged out. After all, without his eyes, how could he visually partake of the many beautiful women, one demon exterminator in particular, at his disposal?

"Of course not, Sango. Women only wear bikinis when the weather's right and they're going to get wet."

"They're going to get wet," Inuyasha and Miroku repeated softly to themselves.

"They're going to get…" Inuyasha began, his voice faraway and his expression dreamy.

"Wet," Miroku finished, licking his lips.

"Wet," Inuyasha repeated, looking at Kagome as he said it.

Another figure stepped out of the hut, but neither Inuyasha nor Miroku cared a fig to ogle him. "Kagome, can we go swimming now?" Shippou asked, waving his arms around and casting a dubious glance at the things Kagome called 'water-wings' that encased them. She said that they would help him float on water, but he'd believe that when he saw it. The ring around his waist was supposed to do the same job but it weighed less than nothing. How could these air-filled membranes prevent him from sinking to the bottom of the pool?

Shippou sighed quietly to himself. It wasn't fair that only stupid Inuyasha got to travel to Kagome's time and he didn't. He wanted to see all of the marvels that Kagome talked about on those nights by the fire when there wasn't anything to do. He wanted to know what a 'tee-vee' was, and how it held so many tiny people in it. Inuyasha's descriptions were so vague that he had a hard time picturing the world that Kagome came from.

"Phooey," he pouted. He yelped when he felt himself being picked up by the back of his shirt, then tossed high into the air before landing in soft, welcoming arms. "Kagome, you scared me! I thought you were Inuyasha!"

Kagome giggled and cuddled him against her chest, stroking the fire-coloured fur on his head. "Inuyasha went to the market with Miroku to barter the fish that they caught for new cloth to make _you_ a new shirt!" Upon the last word, she launched a tickle attack on Shippou's soft belly, catching him unawares and making him shriek with laughter. She stopped when tears were rolling down his cheeks and his face was as red as his fur. "Have you had enough?" she asked teasingly.

"Yes! Yes!" he cried when he managed to catch a breath. He sighed with relief when Kagome stopped her assault and shifted him over her shoulder. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and took a deep breath, inhaling that wonderful scent that was pure Kagome. Shippou inhaled deeply again, his senses identifying two very familiar scents nearby. He grinned evilly and quickly formulated a plan.

"Sango, let's go!" Kagome called impatiently. "We don't have all day, you know."

"All right, all right," Sango grumbled. "But I'm taking my blanket with me to cover up." With that, she unfurled the blanket and wrapped it around herself, much to Miroku's disappointment. She followed Kagome and Shippou who were already walking down the path to the hot springs.

"Mou," the monk said dejectedly.

"I have never wanted to be that little pest Shippou more than I have right now," Inuyasha declared enviously as Shippou rested his cheek on Kagome's shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around her neck. "Little bastard."

Then, to his shock, Shippou lifted his head and stared directly at the bush they were hiding behind and smiled widely. He placed his index finger under his right eye and pulled the skin down in a gesture meant to taunt the hanyou he knew was watching them, and stuck his tongue out. As if that wasn't enough, Shippou gave Kagome a resounding kiss on the cheek, which the unsuspecting girl lovingly returned, then went back to his original position with his cheek on his shoulder.

"I love you, Kagome-chan," he said loudly for Inuyasha's benefit. His grin widened when Inuyasha was goaded out of his hiding place, his hand clenched in a tight fist. Normally, seeing Inuyasha this way would send him running for his life, but this time, Shippou knew he had the upper hand against the much bigger hanyou.

"My, someone's very affectionate today," Kagome observed. "But I love you too, Shippou-chan."

"Oi! You little shit! Get your—" Miroku quickly covered up Inuyasha's big mouth before his voice alerted the girls to their presence. It would be a sincere tragedy if young Shippou prevented them from participating in the bathing fun. After all, what's a little modesty between friends?

"I love you, Sango-chan," he heard Shippou say, his voice dripping with sweetness. "Would you like me to wash your backs when we get to the hot springs?"

"That would be wonderful, thank you," Sango replied, smiling fondly at the little kitsune. "And I love you too, Shippou-chan."

"That damn kitsune is going to pay," Miroku said to himself, ominously flexing the hand that contained the kazaana, wishing that he could just whip off the beads that sealed the hell-hole off and suck the little fox in. Without a word, they followed behind the trio stealthily, using the trees and bushes for cover.

"It's too bad Inuyasha and Miroku aren't here," the fox-child said innocently. "They're missing out on all the fun."

Kagome snorted. "It's _because_ of the fun we're about to have that they have to miss it," she said.

"Silly bitch," Inuyasha muttered, "Falling for a kitsune trick like that. Now she's fawning all over Shippou while we're sneaking around like one of Naraku's spies."

"What do you think Miroku would do if he saw you two dressed like that?" Shippou asked, his huge green eyes dancing with barely-suppressed mirth.

"His hand would probably be making its way to my ass and _my_ hand would probably have already swung the _hiraikotsu_ over his head," Sango said with a soft smile. If Miroku didn't know any better, he'd think that Sango actually _enjoyed_ the feel of his wandering hands on her round, taut buttock. His hand started reaching out from behind the tree trunk to grope Sango as she walked past, but luckily, Inuyasha rapped it smartly with the back of the Tessaiga.

"That monk will never learn," Sango muttered as she sauntered past the tree, unaware of how close she came to being groped.

"Stupid monk, when will you ever learn?" Inuyasha muttered to himself.

Finally, the blessed hot springs came into view. Shippou bounced off Kagome's shoulder and dove right into the water, squealing with delight when he came to the surface with a pop and bobbed like a cork. "Look, Kagome, I'm floating!"

"I told you so," Kagome said teasingly, watching with fond amusement as Shippou kicked his way from one end of the tiny pool to the other. It was so wonderful to see Shippou acting like the kid he was instead of trying to make his name in battle alongside Inuyasha and Miroku. Everyone deserved to act like a kid every once in a while, she thought, and today was the perfect day for Shippou to do just that.

She heard the rustling of cloth behind her and knew that Sango had finally shed her blanket. "I don't know about this, Kagome," Sango began hesitantly. "I feel even more naked in these garments than I do when I really _am_ naked." Sango gestured to her breasts, which the two triangular pieces of cloth failed to hide. In fact, they accentuated them, lifted them up to new heights and pushed them together to give the illusion that they were fuller. "What is the point of wearing clothes when more than half of your body is in full display? Don't even get me started on these," she said, pointing to her bikini bottoms. "This one keeps disappearing in the most uncomfortable of places."

Unbeknownst to either of them, Miroku was behind a huge boulder, nodding his head in agreement. "Those garments are fascinating," he said, leaning in for a closer look. "By covering only those parts of the female body, one's attention can't help _but_ be drawn to them. What a strange, but wonderful, paradox."

"Somehow, houshi, I think that was the idea," Inuyasha said blandly, staring at Kagome's 'paradoxes'. Oh, to be caught in one right now… Inuyasha shook his head and continued to ogle Kagome, who was, at the moment, readjusting the straps that held up her paradox holder. He swallowed nervously and averted his eyes, only to be drawn back by the sight of Kagome bending down to spread her things on the blanket that Sango had discarded. "Oh, _fuck_ me..."

"You can say that again," Miroku said, his lecherous eyes following Sango as she lowered herself gingerly into the hot pool. "Amazing...it's as though the cloth is specifically designed for wet environments. I didn't think it could cling any tighter to Sango's luscious form, but apparently it can!"

Kagome soon followed suit, settling on the other side of the hot spring facing Sango. She leaned back against the boulder behind her, resting her elbows on a low rock shelf. The action caused her to jut out her breasts, and she began to toy with her hair. Inuyasha watched her twirl her damp hair with a wet finger, licking his lips when a drop of water fell from the tip and ran down shoulder.

"Miroku, we have to go to the market," he said softly, not making any move to get up.

"Soon, my friend, soon," Miroku replied, shifting a little behind the rock. He was thankful for the fullness of his robes; if not for them, Inuyasha would truly know how much he appreciated Sango's hidden qualities.

"Sango, Kagome, watch me!" Both girls looked up at Shippou, who was poised on a boulder that rose high above them. He looked over his shoulder at Miroku and Inuyasha (who were both shaking their fists at him) and jumped high into the air, tucking himself into a little ball before landing with a tremendous splash into the water. They shrieked, first out of fright, then because a small tidal wave crashed into them caused by Shippou's cannonball dive.

"You're gonna get it now, Shippou," Kagome said threateningly when Shippou surfaced. The kitsune turned around warily and was met by a splash. Soon, a water fight erupted between the three with Kagome and Sango ganging up on the boy.

From their hiding place high up on the rocks, Inuyasha and Miroku watched, mesmerized by the play down below. "Four bouncing paradoxes..." Inuyasha murmured, his eyes going from Kagome then to Sango. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"I told you that Buddha has smiled down upon us this morning," Miroku said, sighing happily. His hand crept over the boulder in an effort to get closer to the bathing beauties below. "I think I've reached a new level of bliss. I've read of some forms of bliss starting as a tingling sensation in one's appendage, in my case, my hand--"

"That's not bliss, you fucking bouzu, it's a giant spider!" Inuyasha exclaimed, forgetting their precarious position. Miroku's eyes widened and he let out an ear-piercing shriek that would rival that of any woman's. Inuyasha flattened his ears against his head at the sound. "Oi, bouzu! Shut the hell up!"

"Get it off me, get it off me!" Miroku cried, waving his arm frantically around to dislodge the huge, hairy spider off his hand. He wailed; it was so big, he could count its _eyes_. Miroku thrashed around, smacking Inuyasha in the face and sending him tumbling over the cliff.

"Oi!" Inuyasha yelled, managing to grab a handful of Miroku's robes and pulling him over as well. "If I go down, I'm taking you with me," Inuyasha yelled as they neared the ground with frightening speed.

"At least the spider's gone," Miroku said loudly, showing Inuyasha his hand and earning him a half-hearted punch in the shoulder. Both screamed the rest of the way down.

In the hot spring, Shippou paused mid-splash and said, "What's that noise?" All three of them looked up as the sound got louder and louder. Shippou yelled as he realized that the big purple bird youkai was actually Miroku, and he was about to land right on top of him! Frantically, he waved his arms and kicked his legs but the damn water-wings made swift movement impossible.

"Mou..." he said in quiet acceptance of his fate and took a deep breath before Miroku crashed into the pool, pushing him down into the depths. He popped back up a few seconds later, a little dazed and confused, his glazed eyes lighting upon a twitching Inuyasha who unfortunately landed facedown on the rock Kagome had been leaning against.

A stunned silence followed as the dust and water settled. Then, a _very_ angry "Inuyasha! Osuwari!" and a disgusted "Houshi no baka! Hentai!" was heard far and wide.

"Osuwari! Osuwari! Osuwari!" Kagome yelled, each 'osuwari' digging a deeper Inuyasha-shaped crater into the rock.

"Hentai! Hentai! _Hentai!_" Sango yelled, punctuating each 'hentai' with a hard bash over Miroku's head.

Both girls angrily stormed out of the pool, dragging a very amused Shippou out with them. They gathered their things and left without saying another word or looking at the two injured males.

A moment passed before the birds started chirping, the brook resumed its babbling and the wind started to blow again. Inuyasha painfully raised his head out of the hole he'd literally dug for himself to look at the monk who was rubbing his much-abused head.

"Was it worth it, bouzu?"

They grinned at each other.

"Definitely."

---

And that's the end of my songless songfic, written for an Aria's Ink challenge. The rules were to take a song and write a fanfic around it—without using any of the lyrics in the story or title. Hope you guys liked it enough to leave behind some a review.

Some of the Japanese terms I used are:

Bouzu: Buddhist priest or monk, usually said in a derogatory way.

Osuwari: Sit

Kitsune: Fox

Kazaana: The wind tunnel or 'hell-hole' in Miroku's hand. It's a hereditary curse passed down through the men in Miroku's family and will eventually kill him by sucking him in.

Hiraikotsu: Sango's oversized boomerang made from the bones of demons.

Hanyou: Half demon, which Inuyasha is (a half dog-demon, half human).

And I think that about covers the all of the Inuyasha terminology I used in this fic. Visit my LJ at http:www. users/ crfiction/ (remove the spaces) to read the first two attempts at this story, plus other writing tidbits such as spoilers for my other work-in-progress, _Six Degrees_.

So…did you guess the right song?

If you didn't, here are the lyrics…

**Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini**

Brian Hyland

Written by Paul Vance and Lee Pockriss

---

She was afraid to come out of the locker

She was as nervous as she could be

She was afraid to come out of the locker

She was afraid that somebody would see

One, two, three, four, tell the people what she wore

---

It was an itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini

That she wore for the first time today

An itsy, bitsy, teentie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini

So in the locker she wanted to stay

Two, three, four, stick around we'll tell you more

---

She was afraid to come out in the open

And so a blanket around she wore

She was afraid to come out in the open

And so she sat bundled up on the shore

Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore

---

It was an itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini

That she wore for the first time today

An itsy, bitsy, teentie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini

So in the blanket she wanted to stay

Two, three, four, stick around we'll tell you more

---

Now she is afraid to come out of the water

And I wonder what she's gonna do

Now she is afraid to come out of the water

And the poor little girl's turning blue

Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore

---

It was an itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini

That she wore for the first time today

An itsy, bitsy, teentie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini

So in the water she wanted to stay

(From the locker to the blanket)

(From the blanket to the shore)

(From the shore to the water)

Yes, there isn't any more


End file.
